How to Win Friends and Influence People on Facebook

How to Win Friends & Influence People on Facebook

The Bible is to Christianity as How to Win Friends and Influence People is to Facebook

At least in my opinion.

Both are guides on a way of being, acting, and behaving that will ultimately get you closer to Heaven ;-)

In this blog post I want to share with you how I’ve applied the principles of How to Win Friends and Influence People to grow a massively responsive group of friends, fans, and followers on Facebook.

Because when you have a large, and responsive (that’s key) following on Facebook – you can drive tons of traffic to your websites, get more leads, and develop a level of trust with people that inevitably leads to more sales in your business.

In order to do that I believe the most important section of How to Win Friends and Influence People as it applies to Facebook is: 6 Ways to Make People Like You.

6 Ways to Make People Like You on Facebook

A huge part of social influence is your likability factor.

If people don’t like you… good luck getting them to follow you.

Sure, there’s some people who are total jerks that people just love for some weird reason. (think: Simon Cowell from American Idol)

But for the most part, as people, we tend to gravitate towards people that we like.

Here’s the Exciting Part: I had no clue what I was doing when I jumped on Facebook to start building my business. However, after reading the chapter on 6 Ways to Make People Like You, I began applying the concepts immediately to the way I was networking and communicating on Facebook.

In just one year, I went from having just 400 friends on Facebook, to well over 2,000.

And the cool part? I rarely sent a friend request out. Most people were chasing me down to connect.

Lets jump into it, shall we?

1. Become genuinely interested in other people

Too many people spend too much time trying to be the most interesting people on Facebook.

It’s soooo tiring trying to be interesting – because most of us just aren’t!

At least not until you’ve built some sort of authority and credibility in your area of expertise.

I personally believe that this is the #1 reason that my following grew so quickly.

Here’s something really cool that I learned from Go Givers Sell More by Bob Burg and John David Mann:

The brain is only capable of focusing on one thought at a time. So when you are focused on yourself, you literally can not focus on someone else.

People can FEEL that when they’re talking to you.

If you have trouble becoming genuinely interested in other people it’s probably because you’re entertaining your mind with thoughts that aren’t about the person with whom you’re interacting.

When you’re just getting started on Facebook, and nobody really cares about who you are, it is far easier and takes way less energy and creativity to be interested in others than to ‘be interesting.’

2. Smile

A smile can disarm even the most sullen of personalities.

The other night Nikki and grabbed a bite at Smashburger and one of the angriest looking people was behind the counter taking her order.

Nikki engaged her by becoming genuinely interested and asking her if everything was okay because she seemed quite distressed.

And then Nikki SMILED.

The woman’s energy completely changed in an instant, and she began to smile as well telling us that it was obnoxiously hot behind the counter and in the back of the store and that’s why she looked unhappy.

So what does this have to do with growing a following on Facebook?

Everything.

First impressions are important. On Facebook they’re often established BEFORE you even engage with the other person.

That’s why it’s important that you have a genuine picture of YOU as your profile picture.

And in that picture you should be SMILING.

Here’s the current picture I have up as my Facebook profile photo:

smile on facebook

I’m smiling, it’s warm, it’s inviting.

I could make this photo BETTER by cropping it in and making it more focused on my face so people can better see who I am with the thumbnail that’s attached in every single comment and post that you make on Facebook.

You want more friends on Facebook? Take down the profile photo of you trying to look like a badass.

When you’re just getting started, you’re turning off a lot of your potential super-fans and followers by putting up walls where there shouldn’t be any.

Quick Tip on Smiling

Did you know that adding emoticons, especially smileys and windy faces will increase the engagement on your posts?

Here’s an example of what I mean:

using smile emoticons in your facebook status

Pretty good engagement on the post right?

Check out some of these statistics on how to get more engagement on your Facebook posts using emoticons I found on Buffer:

emoticon engagement statistics for facebook

The numbers never lie ;-)

Start using more emoticons in your Facebook posts.

3. Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.

People love hearing their name, and reading it too.

On Facebook, using somebody’s name is the easiest way to get their attention, especially if you use the tagging feature.

Instead of just commenting back and forth, use a person’s name to get their attention in the thread because they’ll get a totally separate notification that says “This person mentioned you in a comment.”

You can see what that looks like here in a notification I recently received.

mentioned you in a comment

So in regular conversation where it’s helpful to use someone’s name because it’s flattering and makes them feel important and remembered…

On Facebook it’s the easiest way to stay top of mind in conversation or when you specifically want to receive someone’s attention.

4. Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.

Being a good listener works hand in hand with being genuinely interested in the other person (#1)

Of all the networking events I’ve been to the most successful were those where I spent my time asking other people questions and listening to and being present for their responses.

When I say successful, what I mean is that I developed a deep rapport and connection with the people I talked to.

I know this because they would say things like:

“I had SUCH a good time talking to you!”

… yet I hardly talked at all. They did 90% of it. :)

And then the next time you see them they act like your best friend.

I think the reason for this is that so many people just talk AT each other that people are yearning to be acknowledged. To be seen. To be heard.

The way you do this on Facebook is by asking better questions. People are dying to tell you their struggles, their triumphs, and their dreams.

If you’re sincerely interested when you ask, they’ll be excited to tell you more.

Here’s a few of my favorite questions to help get you started:

  • “What gets you fired up in the morning?”
  • “What do you love most about your work?”
  • “What’s your dream?”
  • “What are you passionate about?”
  • “What are you most excited about and looking forward to right now?”

When you get your answer, follow that up with a WHY version of the same question (instead of what)

When I ask questions like this, I tend to get really involved, lengthy, and detailed responses from people instead of a short sentence here and there which typically leads nowhere.

5. Talk in terms of the other person’s interest.

The difference between an excellent Facebook builder and the average networker is built around connection.

If you can’t build a connection or rapport, neither person really has a strong reason for being ‘Facebook friends’ or paying attention to and engaging with each other’s posts.

Your BEST chances of forming an initial rapport with someone on Facebook is right when they friend you, or you friend them.

First, send them a private message and thank them for making the connection. Maybe ask them how they found you, or why they’re interested in making the connection if it’s not obvious.

Then, follow that up with a FORM icebreaker.

FORM Stands For:

  • Family
  • Occupation
  • Recreation
  • Money

Take a moment to scan the About section in their profile as well as their timeline of recent posts – you can ask a FORM question related to what you see and when you do it will show them you’ve taken an active interest in finding out more about them.

If you met in a Facebook group around a common interest you can ask them questions about that subject.

One of the best questions you can ask to get people talking is, “What led you to _______”

Fill in the blank with the industry, philosophy, hobby, etc.

So for example if you’re talking to someone in network marketing you’ll probably say something like:

“Hey (name)! Thanks for the friend request. From your posts I can see you’re also into network marketing. I’m curious, what got you started in the industry?”

Boom. Let it ride.

When you take the time to establish an initial connection, even if it’s only for a few moments, the other person will feel heard and you’ll stand out amongst everyone else that they’re networking with right now.

Your posts will show up in their newsfeed more often, and they’ll feel more inclined to engage with you on your posts.

6. Make the other person feel important – and do it sincerely.

You can’t fake sincerity. People’s BS meters are getting better and better these days.

The ONLY way for someone to feel your sincerity is if you do two things:

1. Adhere strictly to point #1: Become genuinely interested in other people

This means that you STOP thinking about yourself and your personal interests so you can focus on the other person.

2. Be PRESENT and find gratitude for your connection and interaction with the other person.

Of all the billions of people in the world, you’re LUCKY to connect to the one very special person you’re connecting with right now.

I want to introduce you to someone who I think does a BRILLIANT job of this.

It’s my dear friend, Seth Larrabee.

Here’s a snapshot of one of our recent interactions where I asked folks if they wanted to learn:

A. How to Grow a Brand New Blog to 1,000 Email Subscribers from Scratch

B. How to Grow a Brand New Blog to 1,000 Page Views per Day from Scratch

Here was his answer:

seth larrabee giving props

If you follow Seth on Facebook you’ll see that this kind of thing is very normal because he genuinely appreciates people. And, he’s taken the time to get to know many of his FB friends on a deeper level.

When you get a message from Seth, you feel important, you feel appreciated, and you feel loved.

You can’t fake that ;-)

The last thing I’ll say about this is that if you really want people to feel important, make sure you respond to them on Facebook when they engage with you.

Ignoring people, especially more than once, is not a good way to Make People Like You!

6 Ways to Make People Like You – Final Thoughts

If you want to grow your fan base and your following on Facebook, “How to Win Friends and Influence People” is a must-read.

I’ve given you just a small taste of what this book has to offer and how it can radically impact your level of influence on Facebook and therefore increase your ability to generate quality leads and sales through it.

Go ahead and make the adjustments you need to make right now and start applying these principles to your Facebook marketing today, and be consistent with them for the next 30 days and see what happens.

I promise you, you won’t regret it ;-)

Now It’s Your Turn

What’s a book or resource you’ve read that you think people should read next? Comment below!

If you’re tired of getting spammed in your Facebook inbox by people who are uneducated or un-informed in how to network effectively… bookmark this page and send it to the next person who does it!

Share this blog post on Facebook using the share buttons below! The world needs this information :)

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Avram Gonzales

Social Marketing Wizard at InspirAction Inc.
I stumbled onto the internet in 2010 in an attempt to save my life from an eternal "Groundhog Day" that comes for most people after college. I quickly learned that social media was for more than just fun, there's a lot of money to be made. Since then I've created a full-time income through blogging and inspiring others to live out their dreams.
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About The Author

Avram Gonzales

I stumbled onto the internet in 2010 in an attempt to save my life from an eternal "Groundhog Day" that comes for most people after college. I quickly learned that social media was for more than just fun, there's a lot of money to be made. Since then I've created a full-time income through blogging and inspiring others to live out their dreams.

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  • http://ErlindaShen.com/ Erlinda Shen

    Good tips! I stopped smiling because I feel that I look like a dork. I must remember that other’s perceptions may not view me that way.

  • kenpickard

    You know…they don’t call it SOCIAL Media for nothing. Easiest thing in the world is to be social first. Engage with others, like comment and share. Freely give out congrats and virtual high fives. When you make ‘engagement first’ a priority…then others will come around to you in no time.

    You dropped so many gold nuggets, and there’s a couple I really connect with.

    Asking better questions, being genuinely interested in others, and #5…talk in terms of other person’s interest. It’s easy to do if you’re online to be social first…easy not to do if you’re trying to rush social to check it off like an activity.

    Ken Pickard
    The Network Dad

  • Linda Hopson

    Great blog post! There are so many people that use Facebook as a way to air dirty laundry. Yes it’s a great way to show off how proud you are of your kids or grandkids, that great vacation you took, etc. But, especially if you are a marketer, you need to be engaged. Great tips for that! The book I would recommend is The Peaceful Warrior. It teaches how to choose to be happy, be present in the moment and to pay attention to how special each moment is (especially when you take attention off of yourself).

  • Sam Hutto

    Great post Avram! I find this a great way to reach out to the people around me that i would like to fire up a great conversation! Smiling is something everybody should do, even if it’s a fake smirk, just to give a sense of comfortability! I would recommend the energy bus, because it gives the good vibes that everyone is looking for, to be happy and to appreciate everything in life!

  • Don Schmidt

    Excellent post Avram. Be selfless and think about the other person first. Treat them the way that you would like to be treated. The old adage about having 2 ears and one mouth would seem to have been replaced by 2 hands and one keyboard! Words to live by.